Mike Birbiglia Shares His Best Marriage Advice

-Mike Birbiglia, I am so happy that you are here.

Thank you so much forcoming back to “The TonightShow: At Home Edition.

” -Here we are.

Yeah, this is it.

-This is it.

I mean, Mike, we were — How wasthe Father's Day, by the way? Did you have a good one?-It was good.

My Father's Day and my birthdaymelded together.

My birthday was Saturday.

Father's Day is Sunday.

-Happy belated, buddy.

-A lot of pizza, a lot of cake.

My whole new show is aboutaging and middle age, and so it was momentous.

I'm 42, which is exactlyhalfway through your life.

Not technically.

Not everyone dies at 84, but no one is ever like, “80 through 100 –those are the years.

They're like, “I was 83.

I reached for a grapeand I never walked again.

” You hear that sometimes.

-Oh, my God.

-But, you know, it's –How old are you now? -45.


So we're like –“Over the hill” is the term.

And I never understood that termuntil I got on the hill.

And then I'm looking aroundand I'm like, “Oh, there's natural causes.

They're not close, but they're coming.

” -Hand me those binoculars.

Oh, no.

There's so many things on thisside of the hill I don't like.

Can we go back down the hill?Oh, gosh! -The other side of the hill, by the way, not as fun.


Not at all.

You think — -That front part is fun.

You're climbing.

You're learning how to climb.

-Sledding, skiing, those –That's fun.

Anything like that.

Walking down the hill for yourlife is not — -It's like — Well, it's likeTrump coming off the plane.

It's like.



That's the hill.

That's coming down the hill.

-Hey, can I see the coverof the book? I want to see —Oh, yeah! It came out this week.

-Dude! -“The New One.

“-Look at this.


Can I see the artwork? -So, the artwork is –Wendy MacNaughton painted it, co-designed by Crystal Sacca.

It's an Earth of toys.

-Ah, that is so —Isn't that beautiful? -Yeah, it's fantastic.

-So, it's co-written by my wife.

It's by J.

Hope Stein, my wife, Jen.

And I will say this, 'cause it'ssort of a he-said, she-said about us havinga child together, and — Or it's a –But she writes poems, so it's a he-said, she-poems.

He-said, she-poetry.

-Oh, my gosh.

Was it fun working with her? -It was awesome.

I mean, I have to say, like, Jen is so talented, and it's like, it — I'd have — In my Word document, when I was writing, like, I'd have these beautiful poems, like, at the end of a chapter or beginning of a chapter, and I would be like, “I have to makeit as good as that.

” You know, and it sort of, like, forced me to, like, raise my game.

-Oh, really? That's fun.

-You know what I mean? Like, I felt like you probablyhad it over the years at “SNL” when you're playingwith different actors in the cast and you're like, “Oh, I got to bring my game for this person 'causethey're so good.

” I bet people feltthat way about you, too.

-But I know whatyou're saying, though.

But, I mean, I had a great castwhen I first walked in.

It was, you know, Will Ferrelland Molly Shannon and Ana Gasteyerand Cheri Oteri.

-And Parnell.

-Chris Kattan.


-Yeah, yeah.


-Dude, everybody was good, and I was just like –I was out of my league.

-But, yeah, that's how it felt.

Jen was my Will Ferrellis what I'm getting at.

I feel likewe could be brothers.

Like, I'm looking at younext to me and I'm like, “Brothers in a movie.

” “Taxi 2, ” baby.

-Oh, dude!Let's do this right now.

I wish had a pen.

Come on!We could do this.

We could play brothers.

I could see us.

-I think so.

-You have “The New One.


-I talked to you on our showwhen it was a Broadway show.

-That's right.

That's right.

-So, then it becamea Netflix special.


-And now it's going to be –knock on wood — a best-selling book.

-It's going to be –And it's going to be a breakfast cereal and it'sgoing to be the home game.

-It should be a home game.

You know what it should be, really, though? You should make an app.

I would make an app.

-Well, we're goingto do the app.




[ Laughs ] I was going to readyou something from the book, because I thought it wasrelevant to the two of us.

I think we have been marriedthe same amount of time.

I'm 13 years in July.

-Yeah, I'm 12 years.

Yeah, I'm going to be 13, yeah.

-This is from –This is my piece of advice for married couplesor newly married couples.

This is the only pieceof advice I have, which is, I think that there's a — In all marriages, no matter how perfect you think your marriage is, I think there is an undercurrent of tension at all timesbecause you have two people experiencing often thesame events at the same time and then have twocompletely different memories of the same event.

So, my best exampleof this is — a few years ago, we were inChicago, where we love to be.

We love to visit.

And we were stayingat this hotel.

And we're coming downthe elevator.

And we'd stayed there before.

We love this hotel.

And I said –I go, “Oh, I just remembered there's this café in the hotelthat you loved the last time we were here.

” And Jen said, “Who did?” And I thought, “Oh, no, ” because the subtext of”Who did?” was, “A, ” that wasn't me, “B, ” that must have been anotherwoman you were dating, “C, ” I'm not happy about this.

And we get to the lobby, the doors open, and she goes, “Oh, my God! I love this café!” And I go, “I almost died in theelevator from a heart attack, and you just casually rememberedthat I'm right?” And so now wheneverwe have a shared memory that departs from one another, one of us says — And this is advice foreverybody.

You can always use this.

One of us says, “Who did?” And it's our way of saying, “We're both probably wrong.

” -Oh, “Who did?” is good then.

I like “Who did?” -Who did?!.

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